Try and Act Like a Normal Person
by CrazieDasie
Summary: Sirius takes Remus on their first, and last, date.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**

A/N: Just a little something something. Enjoy!!

* * *

James is lying on what _used_ to be Sirius's bed. He made a valley for himself in between The Mountain of Ugly Trousers and The Hill of Unflattering Shirts. He watches, with lived disgust, as Sirius miss-buttons his white oxford.

"You're actually doing this," mutters James. "You missed the second one," he adds when Sirius grunts and pulls his shirt out, trying to figure out why he has too many buttons and no more holes. "Look at you," he shouts. "You're a complete disaster!" James settles his back against The Hill of Unflattering Shirts. "And you have too many clothes."

"Up until last summer, I wasn't allowed Muggle clothes," says Sirius.

James snorts. "That doesn't mean you have to go mental and buy an entire shop." James doesn't mean to be so grouchy. He meant to sound teasing; he meant to poke fun at Sirius. But there's something about this whole event that is aggravating him. "You don't have to do this, you know," he whispers, making eye contact with Sirius through Sirius's reflection.

"I want to," says Sirius. He turns around to check out his butt.

"It's a dumb idea."

Sirius frowns and finally looks at James. "Everyone does it, James! You've done it. _I've_ done it before."

"Not with Moony," says James. He picks up one of Sirius's discarded socks and puts it over his hand like a puppet. "It's a dumb idea," he makes the puppet say.

Sirius snatches his sock back and glares at James. "And it's not dumb to ask Evans out every sodding second? At least Moony said yes!" Sirius sniffs a couple key spots on the sock in his hand, shrugs, and pulls it on his foot. "Why is this a dumb idea?"

"Because you're going on a date with _Remus_," explodes James. Half of The Mountain of Ugly Trousers topples down onto his legs. James looks over at Sirius. "It's not normal."

Sirius is balancing on one leg, frozen in the middle of putting his other sock on, icy grey eyes fixed on James. "Because he's a boy?" he says as quiet and biting as a breeze.

James can see, for a second, the Black in Sirius. He grabs rubble from The Mountain of Ugly Trousers and whips Sirius in the head. "Don't be an arsehole," he says. "It's not normal because it's Remus Lupin."

Sirius straightens up, hands flying to his hair in panic distress. "So, Remus isn't _normal_ enough for someone to go on a date with him?"

James tries to think back and pin point the moment Sirius became so thick. "You're not _getting_ it," he growls.

"I like him," says Sirius, his face almost pressed up against the mirror as he puts each hair back in line. "It's not _normal_ to go on a date with someone you like?"

"It's not _normal_," says James, swinging his legs off Sirius's bed, flattening The Mountain of Ugly Trousers in the process. "Because it's Remus Lupin. The same Remus Lupin we call Moony because we know his deepest secret. The same Remus Lupin whom we've shared a room with for the past five and half years. The same Remus Lupin who in first year saw you pick your nose and wipe your bogies on your bed curtains!" James realizes his hand has been clutching on to Sirius's bed curtains and he rips it away and stares at his palm. "You don't still do that do you?"

"What's your point, Prongs?"

"My _point_ is that you don't date someone like that! And you certainly don't act like you're so nervous!"

"I am nervous!"

"Don't wear a tie," says James, snatching it out of Sirius's hands. "Why are you nervous?" he asks, shaking the tie in Sirius's face.

"It's _Remus_," says Sirius in a low voice. "Remus saw me pee my trousers in fourth year. I don't even remember what I was laughing at. But I remember all the pee everywhere and Remus standing there appalled and hysterical and..." Sirius breaks off with a glowing smile. He drops to the floor and sticks half his body under his bed. "I'm nervous because, in this world, only _you_ know me better than Remus does. And I really like him." He pulls himself back from under the bed and looks up at James. "You know what it's like to fancy someone that much, Prongs." Sirius holds up a pair of muddy black boots. "These?"

James tilts his head to the side. "Yeah," he says. "Listen, Padfoot." James settles onto the floor in front of Sirius. "I'm going to give you a piece of advice because going on a date with Moony is a dumb idea and obviously you're too much of a bloody romantic to see it."

Sirius makes an impatient hand movement. "Let's here it."

James grabs Sirius's shoulders as emphasis. "Try and act like a normal person."

* * *

Sirius trips over a rock in the road. He spends a full minute looking down at the rock and explicitly swearing at it. Coming up the path, a tight group of third years, fresh and eager to see Hogsmeade, side step him and run away.

Finally, his anger at the rock subsiding, Sirius moves along.

He's frazzled.

He's frazzled because James gave him advice. And when anyone gives Sirius advice, he has the biological tendency to do the exact opposite.

He wants to go crawl in a hole somewhere and stay there because maybe James is right, and maybe this _is_ a dumb idea.

But, no matter how embarrassed he feels, the last thing on Earth Sirius would ever think of doing is standing up Remus. So feeling nothing like a normal person, Sirius stands outside the gate into Hogsmeade waiting for his date to arrive.

Ten minutes pass before Sirius sees Remus coming up the path.

"Hey," says Remus brightly, stepping up to Sirius.

"Where were you?" Sirius wants to knock his lights out. An odd reaction, he notices, to seeing the person you like.

"In the dorm." Remus looks immensely amused by something. "I thought you'd be up there. I thought we were coming down here together."

"Why would we come down together, Moony? We're-" He leans down closer to Remus's ear. "-on a date."

Remus nods. "I see. Can we go back up together?"

"Well, yeah!" Sirius grins ear to ear and, if possible, and anything is possible if you're Sirius Black, leans in even closer to Remus, sharing his breath. "Don't you want to walk me to my door?"

Remus laughs like he's been holding his breath for ages. He pushes Sirius away from him. "Where are we going, Padfoot?"

Sirius reaches for Remus's hand, out of instinct and desire, but freezes immediately when a gang of Slytherins, led by this brother, turn the corner. He smiles sheepishly at Remus and draws his hand back. "Hog's Head," he says. "It's quieter there."

They move along down the path. Under the sound of the wind and the other visitor's loud voices and shop door bells and the clip clop of feet, Sirius hears Remus's muffled laughter. Remus has his hand strapped over his mouth, and he's laughing. Looking straight ahead and laughing into his palm. Remus continues to giggle all the way through Hogsmeade. Sirius stops him eventually to ask what's so funny, but Remus shakes his head and sniffs and finally stops laughing.

Sirius, mark his words, is going to invent a spell to rip James Potter's large intestine out through his ear, and then strangle him with it. Somehow, Sirius knows it, Remus's giggles are all James's fault.

As they walk, and they come to a tiny shop that sells various potion supplies, Sirius spots a rather large puddle of what he hopes is water, directly in their path. Sirius jogs ahead of Remus, through the puddle, (he ignores the odd definitely-not-watery smell emitting from it), and spins himself around.

"Moony! Stop," says Sirius.

Remus has one foot in the air, readying himself to step over the puddle. He looks around. "What?"

Sirius's lips stretch and dip into his best grin. "Allow me," he says. And with a flourishing wave of his wand, he conjures dark blue pinstriped dress robes, starched stiff as a board. He moves them to cover up the puddle.

Remus is staring. "Sirius…"

"I don't want you to get your feet wet, Moony," says Sirius. He's now quite aware that not only Remus, but many other visitors of Hogsmeade are staring. He glares at Remus. "Will you just hurry up," he hisses.

Remus, blushing red apple cheeks, steps quickly across the makeshift bridge and stops next to Sirius. "Thanks," he mutters through the biggest smile Sirius has ever seen on Remus's face. Sirius has to somewhat believe that that isn't the smile of someone who is swooning but of someone who is laughing so uncontrollably on the inside that it's bubbling over to the surface.

"Welcome," says Sirius, getting rid of the robes. This acting like a normal person is not working out to his benefit.

Sirius feels Remus's hand shift and squeeze his hip bone. "Let's go, Padfoot. I'm thirsty." Sirius follows like a lapdog.

Five more shop fronts and a turn, they arrive at The Hog's Head and Sirius once again jots out in front of Remus, this time to open the door.

Remus freezes and bites his bottom lip.

"Get in," says Sirius, nodding into the pub.

"Are you holding the door open for me?" asks Remus.

"No," says Sirius. Three giggling witches bow their heads at him and pass into the pub. "I've been hired as the new doorman."

"Padfoot," whispers Remus. He sighs resignedly. "I'm not a girl."

"I never _said_-oh for the-_fine_!" Sirius walks inside, holding the door back for Remus to grab. Sirius keeps walking until he gets to a dark table in the back corner and slams his body into a chair.

Remus slides into the chair next to him, and smiles. "Well?" he asks.

Sirius stops glowering at that table to look at Remus. "Well?"

"We're on a date I thought," says Remus. He points at the bar. "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?"

Sirius's mouth drops open before he can stop it. He gets up from his chair like a zombie and goes to the bar and orders two butterbeers. Sirius doesn't know what's up with this boy, but if Remus is only a date with him because it's funny, Sirius might cry. Seriously cry. Sirius hates crying. He's more of the brooding type.

Sirius gets back into his chair and hands Remus his drink. "Cheers," says Remus, clinking his drink against Sirius's.

"Mmm," moans Sirius, swigging down half his bottle. "Don't you love butterbeer?"

Remus pulls the back of his hand across his mouth. "Yes."

They sit and sip their drinks. And not look at each other. Or talk.

"So," says Sirius, after he has no more drink to sip. "Transfiguration."

Remus chokes suddenly and starts coughing a lot and coughing really hard and finally takes a rattling lungful of oxygen. "Wh-what about it?" he asks, and coughs some more.

Sirius slowly takes a sip of his empty drink, watching Remus steadily with wide pupils. If this wasn't a date, and the same thing just happened, Sirius would have probably asked Remus for the dates and times of when he obviously does secret naughty things with either his Transfiguration book or his Transfiguration teacher. But, this is a date, and he's supposed to be acting normal, so instead he says "It's a good subject. Don't you agree?"

"Yes, I mean, I guess."

"Do you think you passed yesterday's exam?"

"Probably," says Remus. Sirius watches him bite down hard on his lower lip.

"Me too," mumbles Sirius, looking away from Remus. He starts rolling his empty bottle around on the table. Sirius can't recall a time in the past five and a half years when he was out of things to talk about with Remus. He and James sometimes run out of substantial conversation and resort to coming up with wild stories and laughing at nonsense. But with Remus there was always something Sirius _had_ to tell him, there was always something to fill gaps with.

This is a date, though. And on dates, Sirius thinks, you are supposed to get to know the other person better. He seems to be forgetting that he knows Remus so well already. He could identify Remus by the smell of his farts he knows him so well.

Sirius chances a glance at Remus. Remus is eyeing all the other odd groups of people around the pub with mild fascination. Sirius sighs and looks back down at his bottle. After another long constricting pause of silence, Remus taps Sirius on the shoulder. _This is it_, he thinks. _The moment Remus tells me we should cancel this whole fucked up idea._

"Want to go to Honeydukes?" asks Remus, smiling brightly.

* * *

Sirius is walking on the right side of Remus and he hopes Remus isn't paying any attention to his hands. Sirius keeps repeating the same action over and over. Remus's long fingered, milky hand is right there. His fingers are even spread apart with small and easy spaces. A little nudge and Sirius knows that his own long fingered hand would slip right in perfectly. He bumps his arm with his hip so that his hand shoots out more to his side as if on accident and he gets inches, seconds, microscopic moments away from Remus's hand before he chickens out and pulls back.

He's done this about ten times, never letting a hair touch Remus. _Why are there so many people here on a Saturday?_

"Oh my-_oh_," says Remus, when they get to Honeydukes. He pushes his face against the glass window leaving a big smudge where his nose is. He's gazing at a loud and colorful display for Tongue Decorating Chocolates! Now with Edible Box! Caution Box May Bite. "Those are so neat."

"Neat." Sirius eyes the box with jealousy and disdain for all the wrong reasons, and slips into the shop.

"Sirius?" Remus follows him in. "What are you doing?"

"Well, Moony," says Sirius winding around the crowd to get over to the display case. "We're in a candy shop. So my instinct is telling me to go buy candy."

"Sirius, no!" Remus grabs his arms and tries to pull him away from the window. "Padfoot! Didn't you see the price tag? It's like…a bagazillion galleons or something outrageous like that."

Sirius bends his back and walks forward, dragging Remus with him. "Bagazillion isn't a word Remus John Someday I Want To Be A Professor Lupin." Sirius trips forward when Remus finally lets go of him. He grabs a delicately wrapped box from the window.

"Don't you dare buy that for me." Remus is looking at the box and not at Sirius which pretty much negates any warning in his voice.

"I want to. Maybe I want some too. Those hinges look simply delicious."

"Padfoot? Please don't buy that. I don't need it."

Sirius steps up closer to Remus, and looks him dead in the eye. "I'm not your friend right now, Moony. I'm not buying this because I feel bad for you and your poorness. I'm just a boy you know. A boy, who happens to fancy you a lotand is desperately trying to make this date work. So shut the fuck up, move out of my way, and go feel flattered."

* * *

Remus is waiting for him outside Honeydukes. When Sirius stops in front of him, Remus looks up and finally, finally, smiles at Sirius without a trace of hidden amusement anywhere. And there is something about the tip of Remus's head and the way his eyes catch the sunlight that makes Sirius forget why he was so angry. Sirius shakes the Honeydukes bag up and down. "Want to go find a place and give ourselves stomach aches?"

They walk. And they keep walking until they can't hear anything except for each other. They keep walking until they come upon a tall tree with branches stretching out like a canopy over a patch of soft green grass. There's just enough sunlight, and just enough shadow, and a perfect niche in between two giant roots for them to sit comfortably pressed together.

_Should have just done this in the first place_, Sirius thinks, unconsciously nuzzling his shoulder into Remus's.

"This is nice," whispers Remus, looking up into the tree branches.

"This is nicer," says Sirius, pulling a tiny silver chocolate out. "Open up, Moony!"

Remus laughs for the ten thousandth time that day while opening his mouth wide, sticking out his tongue. Sirius makes sure to slide all of his fingers into Remus's mouth before he lets Remus eat the tiny candy. Remus swallows and sticks his tongue out again. "Ah i' i'?" he asks.

Remus's tongue is now inky black with tiny silver stars twinkling and shining up and down and all over it. "Stars," says Sirius, laughing at the absurdity of it.

Remus pulls his tongue back in and blushes. "Is Sirius on there?" he whispers so low his voice seems like just another brush of wind.

"Not yet," leers Sirius. But before he can do anything, Remus pushes a chocolate into his mouth.

When the chocolate dissolves and runs down his throat, Sirius's tongue no longer feels wet and fleshy. "Ahhhh?" asks Sirius, sticking his own tongue out.

Remus snorts. "It looks like you've been kissing McGonagall."

Sirius squirms and pulls his two-way mirror from his pocket. Instead of calling for James, he looks at his reflection and his bright tartan covered tongue. "Gross." It feels like he has a sock in his mouth.

"I'm going to try another one."

"Wait, Moony." Sirius pushes Remus back against the tree. "You have something on your tongue.

"Padfo-"

And Sirius kisses him. Kisses him as softly as he can. Slowly. Tasting Remus. He tastes like cool night air and moth balls. _Should have done this before the candy,_ thinks Sirius. He savors every slide of their lips. Swallows down every one of Remus's gasps and moans. His chest is constricting from lack of air, so he pulls away and breathes and runs his fingertips over Remus's reddened lips. "Moony?" he exhales. "Was this a bad date?"

Remus takes a breath and clears his throat. "If right now we were still sitting in The Hog's Head and you just finished asking me if I liked _Transfiguration_." Remus rolls his eyes as the word tumbles from his mouth. "Then my answer would be yes. But." Sirius feels Remus's hand roaming over the back of his neck. "Things have turned around since then."

Sirius smiles, and then frowns. "James told me, earlier, that this was a dumb idea."

"It was."

"What?" Sirius pulls back from Remus.

"Padfoot, it's a dumb idea because it's unnecessary." Sirius furrows his eyebrows. "You," Remus press on. "You don't have to take me on dates and buy me things to let me know that you like me. We know each other inside and out, don't we? We can skip this whole part. Our relationship isn't normal."

"Oh! Oh!" Sirius bounces up and down. "See, James told me to _act_ normal." If there's one thing that Sirius hates, it's when James is right about something. Maybe he was right about the date being dumb, but he'll get him on the acting normal part.

"James told me he said that to you," says Remus, laughing. "I thanked him for dooming me."

"Hey!"

"What Prongs meant, I think," continues Remus, curling a finger into Sirius's hair and shutting him up. "Was that you should act what is normal for _you_. For you and me."

"_Oh_." That would have been better advice. Why didn't James just tell him that? "Well then, Moony, for our second date I'll…what's that look for?"

Remus is looking at Sirius with wary eyes and shaking his head. "No more dates."

"Fine!" Sirius rolls away from Remus and sits back, folding his arms across his chest. "We'll just skip the courting and go right to old married couple." Sirius can just see it now. He and Remus doing nothing ever but sitting on the common room couch, doing something horrendous like _reading_.

Remus is sixteen, but he moves slowly with bones that have been through so much, too much. He groans and gets up on his knees and then, finally finding the spry boy, he tackles Sirius onto his back. "Why don't we remove the old and married part, and just go right to couple?" he asks.

Sirius smiles and finally slides his fingers into Remus's and locks their hands together. "That's a great idea."


End file.
